Sharing the story.

When we first set out on this adoption adventure I was adamant about keeping our future child's story private. It would be his/her story to tell when they felt comfortable sharing. I had read a bit on the subject and it made complete sense to me... How would you feel if one day you realized that everyone, even people you did not know, knew your story...or even lack of story? How would you feel when you found out that everyone knew what happened to you and the circumstances of how you became an orphan? When I think of it and imagine it, it hurts deeply.

And then we got our referral...and we hadn't spoken about this subject in months...and we got caught up in the moment...and information was shared. And then we found out that the information was shared to others, not by us, but by people excited for us. I feel horrible. I feel heartbroken. I cannot take it back. I cannot reverse time.

I'm now sharing this for anyone waiting for a referral. You should really think about it and plan for it and make a conscious decision to share or not to share.

This post is awesome. (and also kept me awake last night...wishing I had been as strong for my son) Julie also talks about it here and here in regards to a child that IS ready to tell their story.

I am feeling pretty vulnerable sharing this as I feel like I have failed my son. As his mother I am supposed to protect him with everything I have. I also know that as a mother there are lots of times that I haven't felt like I was enough, that I had stumbled. But then after talking to other mothers about shared experiences, I can turn it around and feel ok, and know that I had done no permanent damage. I'm not sure how I feel about this one or what will make me feel ok.

Please do not misunderstand...there is NOTHING in his story (or any child that's been adopted for that matter) that I am ashamed of or my sweet boy should feel ashamed about... but I do feel that it is his story, and it's my duty to make him feel secure and safe with it.

One day Baby B, I will share all of this with you. I hope that you will understand I am human and flawed and won't always be perfect. But I do hope beyond anything that I will be perfect for you.

SeasameStreet proves they ROCK. Again.

H2O

I'm supporting blogactionday.change.org



women and children.

In Africa alone, people spend 40 billion hours every year just walking for water. Women and children usually bear the burden of water collection, walking miles to the nearest source, which is unprotected and likely to make them sick.

Time spent walking and resulting diseases keep them from school, work and taking care of their families.

Along their long walk, they're subjected to a greater risk of harassment and sexual assault. Hauling cans of water for long distances takes a toll on the spine and many women experience back pain early in life.

With safe water nearby, women are free to pursue new opportunities and improve their families’ lives. Kids can earn their education and build the future of their communities.

Image and text from charitywater.org

I would like to encourage everyone to open their eyes, and especially their hearts and do something. It doesn't have to be BIG. But it could be. I think you might be amazed at how your friends and family will come out to support you. I know I was blown away. Give up your birthday, have a lemonade stand or a bake sale. Or just donate to someone else's birthday campaign at random.

YOU can make a difference.

Water = Life = Love

Tomorrow. Let's talk H2O.

Blog Action Day 2010: Water from Blog Action Day on Vimeo.

Silence.

The silence of my phone not ringing 817 is deafening.
Way more so than the silence before we received the call with our referral.

There is a long list, a super long list, of stuff that we need to get through before bringing home baby boy. But somehow it remains long without anything checked off.

We are trying to be patient.
Trying and failing.

Come on 817... Ring! Today!
:)

edited to add: this post got me off my bum and there are now three things checked off my list. Nothing like a little pity party to motivate! ;)

The theme of this adoption: Wait.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

First you wait for your paperwork to be finished. Some of this is in your control and some of it is not.

You wait for your referral when you are matched with your child. :)

You have a few days of euphoria mixed with anxiety as you obsess over EVERY detail of EVERY picture and EVERY note written down about your child.

If you are lucky enough to receive your referral while courts are closed you get to relax (yeah right) in the knowledge that your phone will not be ringing with a court date for, in our case, seven weeks. While courts have been closed we are hoping hoping that our son’s original orphanage was able to collect all of his paperwork and get things in order ready to submit to the courts the day they open.

Back to The Wait and you wonder, “Did our paperwork get submitted yet? Will it happen today, tomorrow...”etc etc

Next step, you wait for the phone to ring again with your court date.

This wait, for those of you crumbling waiting for your referral, I’m sorry to report, that THIS wait is waaaaaay harder. As I look at every photo a bajillion times a day and watch the amazing short video clips we’ve received from other amazing Mamas....I am sad. I’m sad that he is growing and changing and we are missing it. I seriously want to hop a plane NOW.

All last weekend Davis pretended to be flying on a plane to Ethiopia to pick up her baby brother. Even when we grew weary of the game she just flew by herself and would say, “Look Mama! It’s my baby brudder! I went to pick him up all by myself...cuz I’m four years old and I can do that!”

When the phone finally rings with the lovely 817 area code we will receive two dates. One for the date our case will be presented to the Ministry of Women’s Affairs, MOWA, and a second date for when we will go before the Ethiopian courts to make our statement of desire to adopt this child. MOWA must rule favorably on our case before moving to step 2 and we only have to be present for this second step.

And then?? Yup, you guessed it, we wait. The wait between passing court and the U.S. Embassy date is approx 2-6 weeks. It all depends on how many families are in the queue. We can either come back home while we wait for our embassy date, or we can stay in-country.

The moments we get down or frustrated or sad, we look at these pictures and video of a BEAUTIFUL BOY and we fall head-over-heels-in-love over and over and over. And we know that once we have him home all of this will fade and none of this waiting will matter one bit.

9.11

My heart and mind can instantly go back to that day nine years ago as if it were yesterday.

There is only one word to explain the feeling:
Heartbreak.