Professional (adoption blog) Stalker.
Although I believe I now have stellar qualifications, I do not think this would be a good career match for me. It's. Exhausting.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
You're Invited!
....to obsess with me.
The phone lines have been down this week so far in Ethiopia. These families with court dates on June 1 must be going crazy. I know I would be. I keep checking their blogs hourly just in case the phone lines come up and they hear good news. So when it comes time for our court date. Well, yeah, crazy might not be crazy enough a word to describe my feelings.
Current obsession, after I've checked on families with court dates, is looking at the list. While there is a wide range of time lines our agency gives as reference, the date you get your referral, court date and US embassy date all seem arbitrary. I know that they are not, as every child has it's own history and paperwork and situation that affect everything. On the outside looking in, why two families that receive a referral the same week can then go on markedly different wait times for a court date etc. does seem arbitrary. Even though it's not. This is currently happening. One family in Ethiopia bringing a child home and one family still waiting for a court date. But they received their referral within days of each other. ahhhhhhhhh. The hows and the whys are all just part of this process of InternationalAdoption. Sometimes the answers are simple and sometime there are simply no answers.
But still. I obsess. Currently we are around number 8 on the list. Last year during the month of June there were more than 10 referrals. Of those almost all passed court before court closed for the rainy season. BUT that was last year before the new laws were passed therefore probably not best to compare, right? Yeah. But. Oh how I would love for this to happen again this year! Because yes, it would be great to get baby home asap...but also because our bonding time, my maternity leave (which will be unpaid. hot topic for another post.) would be happening end of summer into early Fall. Perfect for NYC. I was swinging in the hammock with Davis last night and all I could think of is how awesome it will be to do this holding both of my children. Which won't be happening in November-February folks. In fact for me November is the most miserable month here...the days are short. It's dark in the morning and it's dark by 4pm. I'll take the snow and rain in April over the November dark any day. ok, if I am totally honest when it's freezing cold in February I'm pretty miserable too. November seems to mark the end of Fall, so that stands out and best illustrates my obsession over timing. ;)
Crazy. Yes, I'm obsessing and working out calendar days on something completely 100% out of my control and really cannot be compared to this case or that case or what happened last year. Because when we do receive our referral, it will be our case. And our case will be unique. Maybe everything will be in perfect order and we will be expedited through the system and maybe it will be quite the opposite. For now, I will sit on the side that is happy and hopeful all is in order for us to hear news soon, and time is on our side. Even if it's not, I know in the end none of this will matter and life will be good.
But.
It sure does pass the time to obsess a little, no?
The phone lines have been down this week so far in Ethiopia. These families with court dates on June 1 must be going crazy. I know I would be. I keep checking their blogs hourly just in case the phone lines come up and they hear good news. So when it comes time for our court date. Well, yeah, crazy might not be crazy enough a word to describe my feelings.
Current obsession, after I've checked on families with court dates, is looking at the list. While there is a wide range of time lines our agency gives as reference, the date you get your referral, court date and US embassy date all seem arbitrary. I know that they are not, as every child has it's own history and paperwork and situation that affect everything. On the outside looking in, why two families that receive a referral the same week can then go on markedly different wait times for a court date etc. does seem arbitrary. Even though it's not. This is currently happening. One family in Ethiopia bringing a child home and one family still waiting for a court date. But they received their referral within days of each other. ahhhhhhhhh. The hows and the whys are all just part of this process of InternationalAdoption. Sometimes the answers are simple and sometime there are simply no answers.
But still. I obsess. Currently we are around number 8 on the list. Last year during the month of June there were more than 10 referrals. Of those almost all passed court before court closed for the rainy season. BUT that was last year before the new laws were passed therefore probably not best to compare, right? Yeah. But. Oh how I would love for this to happen again this year! Because yes, it would be great to get baby home asap...but also because our bonding time, my maternity leave (which will be unpaid. hot topic for another post.) would be happening end of summer into early Fall. Perfect for NYC. I was swinging in the hammock with Davis last night and all I could think of is how awesome it will be to do this holding both of my children. Which won't be happening in November-February folks. In fact for me November is the most miserable month here...the days are short. It's dark in the morning and it's dark by 4pm. I'll take the snow and rain in April over the November dark any day. ok, if I am totally honest when it's freezing cold in February I'm pretty miserable too. November seems to mark the end of Fall, so that stands out and best illustrates my obsession over timing. ;)
Crazy. Yes, I'm obsessing and working out calendar days on something completely 100% out of my control and really cannot be compared to this case or that case or what happened last year. Because when we do receive our referral, it will be our case. And our case will be unique. Maybe everything will be in perfect order and we will be expedited through the system and maybe it will be quite the opposite. For now, I will sit on the side that is happy and hopeful all is in order for us to hear news soon, and time is on our side. Even if it's not, I know in the end none of this will matter and life will be good.
But.
It sure does pass the time to obsess a little, no?
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Overflow.
Reading all the comments on Heidi's baby shower blog have me bawling in my office.
Reading this this this and this also have me bawling.
Am I just super sensitive? Hormonal? Completely normal?
All I keep thinking is "good grief how the heck am I going to get through OUR story with one memory, interaction or picture that doesn't have me rockin' the ugly cry face?"
Note to self: Pack kleenex. Lots of 'em.
Reading this this this and this also have me bawling.
Am I just super sensitive? Hormonal? Completely normal?
All I keep thinking is "good grief how the heck am I going to get through OUR story with one memory, interaction or picture that doesn't have me rockin' the ugly cry face?"
Note to self: Pack kleenex. Lots of 'em.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Single digits.
I had a different post in mind for today. But then I found out we have broken into the single digits on the unofficial list of waiting Gladney families...and well, that just took over!
It's feeling really real now. My plan of not thinking about any baby news until September/October is officially out the window. Seriously, who was I kidding? I was trying to keep my expectations low so as to not be disappointed. Impossible.
Congrats to all the Gladney families that have received referrals and especially those that have passed court in the last few weeks. It's all very exciting and gives me much hope.
It's feeling really real now. My plan of not thinking about any baby news until September/October is officially out the window. Seriously, who was I kidding? I was trying to keep my expectations low so as to not be disappointed. Impossible.
Congrats to all the Gladney families that have received referrals and especially those that have passed court in the last few weeks. It's all very exciting and gives me much hope.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Love and loss.
The past few weeks have been oddly quiet on the referral front. We have not budged one spot on the wait list. It's probably not a coincidence that with this "quiet" there has been everything but quiet in my head. Thoughts have been creeping in for some time now and the closer we get to this actually happening, the more real it becomes, the more my thoughts about loss have taken over my thoughts.
When we did our home study the social worker asked us what about this adoption were we "grieving" Which might sound odd that loss or grief would be or could be associated with adding a miracle to our family. But, the real fact is that adoption does come with a loss. Though the definition of loss is different for everyone involved.
For me, my answer was the grieving the loss of those first few days, weeks, months after our baby is born. That teeny baby stage that we will not be a part of or may not even know anything about. When Davis was born those first few weeks were like heaven. After the long road, the long wait and the months in bed and in the hospital, she was here. We floated. We pinched ourselves. 3.5 years later we are still pinching ourselves, soaking in every single moment. I don't want to miss one second of anything with this new baby either.
For our baby, the definition of loss is fairly obvious, everything. Their mother and father, possibly siblings, extended family, their country...
My thoughts have been filled with: Is this baby born? Has the tragic event already happened that will make my baby an orphan? Is there a mother, father, grandmother, somewhere hurting, debating a decision that will change many lives forever?
The pain of all of this can keep me awake at night. And brings tears to my eyes as I type. It can be difficult looking forward to something that will bring pure joy to me, knowing it might be causing the opposite emotion for someone else.
Love and loss.
When we did our home study the social worker asked us what about this adoption were we "grieving" Which might sound odd that loss or grief would be or could be associated with adding a miracle to our family. But, the real fact is that adoption does come with a loss. Though the definition of loss is different for everyone involved.
For me, my answer was the grieving the loss of those first few days, weeks, months after our baby is born. That teeny baby stage that we will not be a part of or may not even know anything about. When Davis was born those first few weeks were like heaven. After the long road, the long wait and the months in bed and in the hospital, she was here. We floated. We pinched ourselves. 3.5 years later we are still pinching ourselves, soaking in every single moment. I don't want to miss one second of anything with this new baby either.
For our baby, the definition of loss is fairly obvious, everything. Their mother and father, possibly siblings, extended family, their country...
My thoughts have been filled with: Is this baby born? Has the tragic event already happened that will make my baby an orphan? Is there a mother, father, grandmother, somewhere hurting, debating a decision that will change many lives forever?
The pain of all of this can keep me awake at night. And brings tears to my eyes as I type. It can be difficult looking forward to something that will bring pure joy to me, knowing it might be causing the opposite emotion for someone else.
Love and loss.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Movin' UP.
So. We've packed up and moved from the second floor to the fourth. More space, better light and a massive roof deck. This happened right about the time that the weather turned and the referrals started rolling in for waiting Gladney families. It's exciting to read about everyone getting "the call" and really exciting to see our name move UP the [unofficial] wait list. It's all good in the hood.
We are pretty much settled in the new place. Just curtains that need to be sewed, er, by, ah-em, ME. Hopefully soon. We are updating all the paperwork that needs to be updated because changing your apartment number affects, well, EVERYthing. That's a bit of a bummer but it's keeping us busy and I'm doing my best to keep my brain occupied.
I think our little one must also have babies on the brain as she told the UPS delivery man all about her baby today. Let me say that Davis loves Harry. Harry loves Davis. He pulls he truck over to say hello when he passes her on the street. When we lived on the second floor Davis screamed at him from her window when she saw him downstairs. Loooooove is the word for Harry and Davis. And I love that Davis is getting excited about her new baby too.
We are pretty much settled in the new place. Just curtains that need to be sewed, er, by, ah-em, ME. Hopefully soon. We are updating all the paperwork that needs to be updated because changing your apartment number affects, well, EVERYthing. That's a bit of a bummer but it's keeping us busy and I'm doing my best to keep my brain occupied.
I think our little one must also have babies on the brain as she told the UPS delivery man all about her baby today. Let me say that Davis loves Harry. Harry loves Davis. He pulls he truck over to say hello when he passes her on the street. When we lived on the second floor Davis screamed at him from her window when she saw him downstairs. Loooooove is the word for Harry and Davis. And I love that Davis is getting excited about her new baby too.
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